here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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