I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
