that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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