There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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