My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
