I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
