i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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