Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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