You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
