I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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