dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
