Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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