I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
