I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
