Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Even my vagina gasped.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
