just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
