Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
