Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
