The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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