Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?

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(941): View more from Florida

It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.

(1-941): View more from Florida

Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.

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(707): View more from California

I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots

(1-707): View more from California

You did like 8

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Drink for every country you've never heard of.

(630): View more from Illinois

Fuuuuuuuuuck

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(512): View more from Texas

I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."

(512): View more from Texas

No more tequila EVER.

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(718): View more from New York

I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms

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