That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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