I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if only i could text you this smell
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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