My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
