Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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