I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
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well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
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I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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