weddingsv make me drug and hornr
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
