I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
