fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
