It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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