Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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