My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
