Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
