Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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