This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
