i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
