i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
