Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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