she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
