Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
