Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I will pee on everything he values.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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