I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
