ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
