She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
