im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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