I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
