it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dignity is for republicans.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
