Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
