Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
