I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
