either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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