from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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