I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
