its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
