i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
