Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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