Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
