but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
