I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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