Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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