I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sober January is a disaster.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
