I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Vodka?
Forever.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
