Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
