At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
