In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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