Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
