WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it was like eating out sand paper
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
