Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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