Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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