I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
