I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
