don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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