He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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