I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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